I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
