So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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