I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
