you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
