It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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