pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
