Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
