just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
