she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
