Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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