i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize