which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
