just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
