Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
