if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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