1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How does one acquire holy water?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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