I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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