Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
