It's like God shit irony all over that family
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
