Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this boner is exhausting
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Randomize
