i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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