By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
