Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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