wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
