Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
