Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dear god my vagina.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
