u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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