party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
