I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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