if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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