i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
