I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
