My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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