I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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