we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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