even my farts smell like vagina
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
