sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
