I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
