you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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