do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
