I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
