I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
