At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
