sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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