she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
