every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
