She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
