All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
