All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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