yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My life is pants optional.
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