I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
