we made out on top of his cat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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